A deafening crackling noise filled the tiny bedroom, while a plume of greenish smoke spread out, filling the room with the sickening stench of rotten eggs. Winfried Sobottka, who had just been in a deep sleep, snapped to an upright posture. With rattling breath he sat in bed, looking around anxiously. He felt uncomfortable in his council flat and it took him a few seconds to realize that it was he himself who had made the bedroom shake with a devilish fart. A terrified moan–it sounded something like „Lulli huba-haba…bibber“–came out of his misshapen mouth.
Suddenly the bedroom door flew open and Annalena Baerbock, the Federal Foreign Minister, stormed in. For a moment Winfried Sobottka was startled again, but then he realized that it was his great love who was crouching down on the bed with a worried look on his face. „Winfried, sweetheart, what is it?“
Ah, how beautiful she was, Annalena! Her expressive eyes, the whimsical pointing nose! She looked like a sugar-sweet cuddly bunny, or like a cute guinea pig that you just have to love. He still couldn’t believe that this wonderful woman had left her family to be with a penniless pensioner from Lünen-Brambauer!
„What’s the matter, Winfried darling, why did you fart so loud?“, she asked in a soft voice and let her right hand slide through the few straggly hairs growing on Winfried Sobottka’s square head. „And why are you even awake? It’s only 1:45 p.m., isn’t it?“
„I… I had a terrible nightmare!“ he sighed, adoring his beloved with faithful dog eyes.
„Oh, no!“ Annalena Baerbock couldn’t hide her dismay. „Was it about Pätus Bremske again, that disgusting Satanist bastard? Or even about Melanie Thole-Bachg’s expert opinion?”
„No!“ Winfried Sobottka shook his head so excitedly that half a kilogram of dandruff fell out of his hair and fell onto the bed sheet like a yellow sleet. „In my dream, I wasn’t a pensioner, but a job center customer again!“
„That’s terrible,“ Annalena Baerbock commented. She waved her hands to disperse the fart stink that still lingered in the air. „Yes, really satanic!“
Winfried Sobottka agreed. „Imagine standing in front of my clerk – and the bastard actually had a job for me! I was supposed to start the very next day, I finally had to earn my own money, he said! And that after forty years of unemployment! The purest horror!” A tremor ran through his body and he began to sob again.
Annalena Baerbock comforted him: „Don’t be afraid, little man! You have never worked in your life and you will never have to work. That’s what I stand for, that’s what we, the GREENS, stand for!“
The soft words had the effect of a joint on Winfried Sobottka, he fell asleep again and only woke up five hours later. And although he felt sluggish, like always, he sat down at the state-funded PC, switched on the state-funded Internet and wrote this declaration of love to Annalena Baerbock:
Link: Annalena Baerbock and Winfried Sobottka – true Love!
I, Winfried Sobottka, love Annalena Baerbock more than anything! Long live the Federal Republic of Germany! Long live Pätus Bremske!
And if they haven’t died, they still love each other.
Anarcho Boulevard 